Watching a mother begin to shed those layers is transformative. It often starts small:

Releasing Your Son as a Black Mother: A Personal Journey - TikTok

Even if your mother has gone "black," the light she once provided—the lessons she taught, the love she once gave—is still part of you. The goal is to honor that light without being consumed by the darkness that now surrounds her.

It is crucial to maintain your own life, health, and joy. Investing in your own happiness is not selfish; it is necessary.

Shifting away from chemical straighteners or heat damage to embrace locs, afros, or twists is often the first visible marker of reclaiming selfhood.

As I sit here, reflecting on my mother's journey, I am reminded of the complexities of racial identity and the ways in which it can shape our experiences and relationships. My mom, a white woman, has always been a source of love and support in my life. However, over the years, I've noticed a significant change in her - she's "going black," a phrase that has become a common expression in our household.

Not literally, of course. My mother is a white woman in her late fifties, raised in a small, predominantly white town in the Midwest. But over the past three years, I have witnessed a transformation so profound that “going black” is the only phrase that seems to capture it—a deep, organic immersion into Black culture, community, and ultimately, love. This is the story of how my mother found herself by embracing a world she had only ever viewed from a distance, and how I learned to let go of my own assumptions along the way.